Recovery is a Process, not an Event.
Addicts may cycle through the stages, leave and return.
The Drinking Stage:
This stage is what Stephanie Brown refers to as "ground zero for recovery". By knowing where you have been, you can better chart your progress towards where you want to go. As the saying goes, if you do not know the history, you are destined to repeat it.
One must recognize the behaviors that permeated the drinking stage in order to then change or modify those behaviors for the benefit of each of the family members; facators such as lack of trust, pessimism,over-responsibility, contrtol, and of course, denial. The current family dynamics must be studied and mapped in order for change to eventually occur. In this scenario, the classic delusion of "There is no alcoholism" is the reality being covered up. Explanations and rationalizations are rampant in order to cover up the existence of a problem.
The move towards the next stage will take place when one family member begins to recover, or even move in that direction, like the Butterflies on a child's crib mobile. The whole system is affected.
The Transition Stage:
This stage would include the process of "hitting bottom" as well as the first tentative steps toward abstinence and recovery. While the system is collapsing, members of the family try to keep it in place. After all, it is the only one they know. Unfortunately, it will eventually collapse and each member will need to reach out for help.
It may begin with the partner or spouse attending an Al-Anon meeting, or one child finding Alateen. Or, the addict himself may surrender and reach out for help or be driven to it by a job loss or impaired driving charge. Whatever the reason, the reality of the loss of control must be accepted and the denial broken before anyone can move on towards breaking old habits and learning new abstinent behaviors, such as communication, patience, trust, roles, and structure.
The Early Recovery Stage:
Whether help is in the form of an outpatient conseling or residential program, early recovery is a time of "walking on eggshells". There will be hope, excitement, and change, but also trauma, tension, and cravings. There will be new language to learn, and new behaviors. There will be new friends, new roles, and new structure in their lives. Individual identities will be important as each family member identifies with these new roles and begin to understand and work their own programs of recovery. Family members will be on parallel journeys in this stage, hence the family is not yet stable. There may still remain a fear of drinking/using.
This period may still be chaotic, however, it is one that is characterized by hope and a movement toward stability. Roles, rituals, boundaries, and family hierarchies are still being tested. Communication may still be awkward, and trust will be slow, however, transformation and growth can be observed.
The Ongoing Recovery Stage:
This is when each family member has made some healthy changes and are now enjoying a stable environment that offers safety, consistency and predictability. The family continues to face reality, adapt to change, and maintain a healthy recovery, while working together more as a "family". Old core beliefs have been shattered and new beliefs, behaviors, and goals have come into play.
Members can now begin to focus on couple and family issues, such as trust, in order to see that the family is not torn apart again. Contact with outside supports must be maintained (self-help, 12 Step groups, etc.) which will also aid in deepening spirituality among family members. A new balance has been created between the individual and the family, that must be sustained in order to support abstinence.
If you have questions, or want more information, contact me.
A few words about relapse and relapse prevention:
It is said that relapse, like recovery, is a process, and not an event. Many addicts, looking back, can point to a time when they subconsciously decided that they would drink or use again, and did. They may have stopped attending self-help meetings, started hanging around old drinking buddies, or become isolated. Whatever the reason, they found it was much more difficult to return to their recovery program each time they "went out".
See Relapse Prevention for some of the signs and what to do about them. As an addiction counselor, I can help.
